You Are Not Behind!

After spending a week and a half with a very sick toddler, a sick infant, a sick husband and a sick mama (so hard to get away from my Self!) - it is a challenge to look a the words above and truly believe it. It's an exercise in faith and a reminder from the loving and wise Flylady who helps me hold my center. She frequently reminds me that no matter where I am, I am not behind. It is that challenge I have about accepting the moment and knowing that in the moment things are exactly the way they are meant to be. ACCEPTANCE.

So my Lenten journey has not been perfect. EGAD! By now I would have thrown out the baby with the bathwater. I know I am making progress because I am resuming where I left off and although my spiritual practice lacked a certain depth the last week and a half, I did not abandon it and of course, I was not abandoned. I struggle with perfectionism and the many cunning ways it stops me in my tracks. I think for me, it may be the Devil. Maybe it's the Devil for all of us who struggle with it in it's many forms. In the past, I would have seen my inability to hold my Lenten practice perfectly as some kind of failure on my part and I would have given up. Today I am aware that life is about interruptions and it's up to us to hold ourselves and our spirit during those interruptions as fully as possible. In fact, on the day when my Monkey Boy's fever spiked, the title for the Lenten reading was the following:

LIVING WITH INTERRUPTIONS

I'm sure this was not an accident. I reluctantly read on while shaking my head at God:

...what if our interruptions are in fact challenges to an inner response by which growth takes place? What if the events of our history are molding us as a sculptor molds his clay, and if it is only in a careful obedience to these molding hands that we can discover our real vocation and become mature Christians?

If a perfect Lenten journey were possible, I suppose I would benefit from that somehow, but I suspect that I would not gain as much as I am from seeing the ways that I was successful during interruptions and living with the ebb and flow of this imperfect Lenten path.

Thanks be to God!

Saturday After Ash Wednesday

I've seen the goodness
I've known the baddest around
I was tattooed when it first came out
I shook the hand that showed Moses the way
And I'm glad to say
I've enjoyed everyday
Of the full catastrophe of life

-John Mellencamp "The Full Catastrophe
It's Time to Take Back Our Country

Operation Rice Bowl

Each year at Lent our Parish hands out little card board boxes from Catholic Relief Services. We take these little boxes home and assemble them into a funny little geometrical container and call it a rice bowl. All the spare change/money you save from giving up your latte or eating simple suppers on Friday nights can then go in your rice bowl and will be taken on Holy Thursday back to the Parish and put in the offering for individuals who are living in poverty.

Operation Rice Bowl is the official Lenten program of Catholic Relief Services. It is the one consistent symbol of Lent in in our home. It is a simple yet powerful way to be in solidarity with others around the world, not only through our almsgiving but also in prayer and fasting.

The website for ORB is full of resources to support your individual, family and parish observation of Lent. There are recipes for simple suppers. There are stories from real people whose lives have been changed or will be changed by ORB. There even alternatives to candy-filled Easter eggs for children - prayer eggs. (oval shaped cut-outs with the picture of someone who needs prayer)

It is my hope that you will find some tools on their site that will deepen your walk with the Lord.

The Joy of Soup....

I can't tell if this blog is still active or not but what a great Lenten resource! Enjoy!

http://suzette.typepad.com/the_joy_of_soup/real_peoplereal_soup/index.html

Sue Ellen, Sue Ellen wherefore art thou Sue Ellen?

This is the kind of day that challenges my spiritual connection without it being Lent so I am feeling particularly gnarly this Friday after Ash Wednesday. The Monkey Boy is still recovering from the worst cold he has had in his almost 3 years of life. My little Sweet Pea is either still teething or catching the cold and decided she was not going to sleep this morning. In her efforts to convey her objections to us she woke up her still sick brother who immediately joined in the tearful serenade. Due to the lactating nature of my relationship with the female child, I got her and Monkey Man got the boy.

I totally missed my prayer time because I literally could not get out of bed. Great, I thought. Two days into Lent, I can't even pray. But that's kind of the silly box I like to paint my Self into, because the truth is I am praying as I type this. I was praying as my poor daughter arched her little back and could not be consoled. I was praying out of gratitude when I found out that "Dora The Explorer" is actually on 3 different times every morning and can be watched for a solid ninety minutes. This allowed me to take something that slightly resembled a nap. Dora's histrionics are a bit difficult to sleep through! It also allowed me to sit with a heating pad on my lactating bosom, verifying the fact that I came close to having a clogged duct which I will take over catching this cold my son has. All this to say that there really is no such thing as "missing" prayer time. There is however such a thing as missing God - allowing one's Self to get so caught up in the misery or challenge of a day that is impossibly looming in front of you that you might - OKAY I might forget that God is waiting - longing for me to lean into Her for comfort and direction and nurturing. PEACE - SERENITY.

The latter things can be found in the pot of tomato vegetable soup that I am making. A simple yet utterly loving pot of soup brimming with goodies to keep colds, runny noses, and bad attitudes at bay. It also serves to remind us that there are people in the world who would consider our simple soup a feast from God. Really that's what it is - a feast for the soul and the body. Eating in solidarity with our brothers and sisters in the world brings us back to these truths that we are so easily separated from in our busy "unplugged" world. I am also reminded that my stocked pantry which easily held all I needed to make this delightful concoction is a blessing. The buttery canned garbanzo beans, bright red canned tomatoes, frozen pesticide-free spinach, organic tomato juice, corn canned at its peak of bright yellow goodness. Yes, a soup this special is indeed a feast. Especially when served with a slice of cornbread. Even in my attempt to be one with people who are suffering, I am gently reminded that I do not truly understand.

When I got up this morning I felt so pissed that I could not unplug from my misery with my daily dose of Dallas and other mindless pleasures. Now, I am sitting here laughing with my Self and with God. I don't think I would have made the soup, and if I had, the gifts in the making/the process/the prayer would have escaped me because I would have been running back and forth between commercials to complete the next step. I would not have been mindful. I would not have seen it as the bounty that it is. I would have missed all these moments for sure had I opted to "nurture" my Self by separating from my Self. Isn't that odd? That's what I have been doing. I have been opting to take care of my self by getting as far away from my Self as possible.

I would have missed this prayer.

Detoxing Part Deux

I am gazing at the list of things I was going to do today. There are three bright pink post-it notes hanging from the shelf above my laptop. While the list was too large for one day - especailly one with a sick whining child - and oh yes, my toddler was sick too. The former of course being me feeling surly because my Maker is calling me to be present. Back to my list. Only one thing got accomplished on this list. "4:00 pm - Bubble Bath for Monkey Boy" (aka Afro Boy) Clearly without seeing the rest of the list you know that this one thing was the most important thing from that list. I also did my morning routine, shined my #@*@!#& sink (I'd like to think this is a family blog) and decluttered my one hotspot. Thank you Marla. And thank you Lorraine. This is all your fault.

The good news is even after the yummy melty chocolate of my muffins earlier, I am still cranky. Even after a lovely simple supper of garbanzo beans and spinach with sea salt served over brown rice - I am still cranky and I am tired. But I am not in front of the television even though I have the entire house to myself (okay the sleeping babies are here, but no other adults!) and have Sherrybaby waiting to be watched. I actually set this night aside to watch it. Instead I'm reflecting on the goodness of my crabby state. It's good because it means I am on the right path - the changes I made had an effect on me. They made me think more about God. They made me more aware of how my desire to be near him is contradicted by my behavior. This is good.

Detoxing.....

Being present is overrated. There appears to be - for me - an acceptable level of presence and then there is that time during the day when something starts to click over in my brain and say okay, let's begin slowly checking out. Because I was not watching my usual fare from 12-2 today, I am now feeling very cranky and crabby. (this despite the iced latte I made for myself - it will be better when the banana chocolate chip muffins come out of the oven - I used a dark chocolate truffle bar from Trader Joes - mmmmm all that goodness - but I digresss..... ) I am not feeling cranky because I missed my shows (Between Netflix and the Soap Channel I can actually still watch them if I really want to....more on that later) It's more like having the mental equivalent of the shakes. All this being present feels a little uncomfortable and uneasy. Maybe it's time to talk to God.